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The Road to El Dorado/Transcript
lines, as the theme song begins by Elton John, then cut to Spain, saying, "Spain 1519" *'Cortes': ''the cup in water, scooping it up Today, we sail to conquer the new world, for Spain, for glory, for gold! *''crowd cheer *'Man': Viva Cortes! *''guns fire at Altivo and Cortes *'Cortes': Altivo, eyes forward. a cup at the poster with Miguel and Tulio, saying, "Wanted: Reward 100 Doubloons" *'Tulio': Seven! *'Miguel': All right! *''Tulio': Yes! *'Miguel': ''a high five Partner! Hee-hee! singing Tons of gold for you! *'Tulio': Hey! singing Tons of gold for me! *'Zaragoza': Hey! *'Both': singing Tons of gold for we! *'Zaragoza': Hey! One more roll! *''playing the guitar *'Tulio': Uh, guys, you're broke! You got nothin' to bet with! *'Zaragoza': Oh, yeah? I got this! *'Man': A map! *'Tulio': A map? *'Miguel': A map! *'Zaragoza': A map of the wonders of the new world. *'Miguel': Wow! Let's have a look. a finger on the map, then grabbing the map Uh, Tulio! *'Tulio': Excuse us, for one moment, plase. *'Miguel': Tulio, look! El Dorado, the city of gold. This could be our destiny, our fate. *'Tulio': Miguel, if a believed in fate, I wouldn't be playing with loaded dice. a dice at Miguel, chuckling Not with the face. No, no, no, no, no. No! No! No! *'Zaragoza': a map I said one more roll! My map against your cash. *'Tulio': All right, peewee. You're on! *'Zaragoza': his hand out Not with those! This time we use my dice. Ehh, got a problem with that? *'Tulio': No. the dice to Zaragoza, whispering I'm going to kill you. *''map lands on the peseta coins, then Miguel starts playing the guitar *'Tulio': Come on, baby. Papa needs that crappy map. *''continues playing the guitar, then showind the dice, with the woman walking away, blowing *'Tulio': Miguel Stop that! *''stops playing the guitar *'Tulio': Show me seven! *''dice roll on the ground, then spinning around, then gasping, then landing on the ground, with the four on top, making it seven, then they all exclaim and cheer *'Tulio': Seven! *'Miguel': All right! *'Tulio': Seven! *''grabs a map *'Tulio': grabbing the peseta coins There it is! Well, nice doing business with you. *''dice roll on the ground *'Zaragoza': on the ground I knew it! *''grabs the dice to Zaragoza, then playing the guitar *'Zaragoza': Your dice are loaded! *'Tulio': the guitar to Miguel What? You gave me loaded dice? face lands on the guard's body He gave me loaded dice! Guard, arrest him! *'Miguel': You dare to impugn my honor? He was the one who was cheating! Tulio Arrest him! He tricked these sailors and took their money! *'Tulio': Oh, now I'm the thief? *'Miguel': Yes. *'Tulio': Take a look in the mirror, pal! *'Miguel': Oh, you better give them money back, or I'll... a sword out En garde! *'Tulio': En garde, yourself. I will give you the honor of a quick and painless death. a small sword out But not with that. another sword out Ha! I prefer to fight fairly. Aha! *''both attack their swords *'Tulio': Well, any last words? *'Miguel': I will cut you to ribbons, fool! *'Tulio': Such mediocrity. Let your sword do the talking. *'Miguel': I will. It will be loquacious to a fault! Ha! Take that! *''continue attacking *'Tulio': You, mincing, fencing, twit. *'Miguel': Ah, you fight like my sister. *'Tulio': I fought your sister. That's a compliment. *''continue attacking *'Miguel': Braggart! *'Tulio': Heathen! *''roof breaks *'Man': Kill him! *'Miguel': Not the face. Not the face. another sword, then they all gasp, then they all cheer *'Tulio': Ladies and gentlemen, we've decided it's a draw. *'Miguel': the swords at the guard Thank you all for coming. You've been great. See you soon. *'Tulio': Adios! *''both fall to the ground *'Miguel': Congratulations. You're very good. *'Tulio': No. That was good. Very... *''black bull appears, then they gasp, mooing and snorting *'Miguel': We should have kept our swords, I think. *'Tulio': Y-Yeah. Yeah, I've got a plan. *'Miguel': What is it? *'Tulio': Uh, well, uh, you pet him... *'Miguel': Yeah. *'Tulio': ...and I'll run! *''both get up and run away *'Miguel': Uh, well, thanks a lot! *''black bull charges at Tulio and Miguel, then they climb on a wall, then the black bull knocks the wall, flying to the wall, then they slide down, then they continue running *'Man': There they are! *''black bull appears, then the men run, then they continue running, then the guards appear, taking the swords out, then they go inside with the woman screaming *'Tulio': Bye. Thank you! *''guards gasp, then the black bull knocks the guards over, with pieces flying the sky, then they continue running with a hat rolling down the stairs, then they climb up, then they grab the clothesline while swinging, with the clothes landing on the guards, then the arrows shoot at Tulio and Miguel, then continue running, then they both look at the barrels in water *'Miguel': I'll bet we can make that. *'Guard': There they are! *'Tulio': Two pesetas says we can't. *''jump in the barrels *'Miguel': You're on! *''fall down in barrels *'Miguel': a barrel You lose! *''flips the peseta coins in a barrels, then they close the barrels, then they carry on a ship *'Miguel': Ohhh! *'Tuilo': Whoa! What's happening here? *'Miguel': We're both in barrels. That's the extent of my knowledge. *''man lowers the barrels on a ship, then the men roll the barrels, then they throw the barrels on a ship, then they take the corks out *'Tulio': Okay, Miguel, we gotta move fast. On three, we jump out and head for the dock. *'Miguel': Good. Good. Okay. Excellent. *'Both': One, two, three... *''chest lands on the barrels *'Both': Th-Three! Three! Ohh! Three! *''at night, showing the half moon *'Tulio': Uh, you ready? Ah, okay. One more. Let's go. *'Both': One, two, three! *''hear a fly buzzing and a wind whistling *'Tulio': Excuse us. *'Miguel': Okay. We're outta here. *'Tulio': Who ordered the, uh, pickles? *''men lock Tulio and Miguel *'Miguel': Cortes! *'Cortes': My crew was as carefully chosen as the disciples of Christ. knuckles And I will not tolerate stowaways. *''gulps *'Cortes': You will be flogged. And when we put into Cuba to resupply, God willing, you will be flogged some more, and then enslaved on the sugar plantations for the rest of your miserable lives. To the brig. *'Miguel': All right! Cuba! *''guard takes Tulio and Miguel to the brig, then cut to a man whistling, bringing the apples *'Man': Hey, Altivo! Ah-ta-ta, not for you! You're on half rations. Orders from Cortes. *''apple drops on Miguel's shirt, then hearing Tulio banging on the wall *'Miguel': So, uh, how's the... How's the escape plan coming? *'Tulio': All right. All right. Wait! I'm getting something. *'Miguel': Yeah. *'Tulio': the he continues banging on the wall Okay! Here's the plan. In the dead of night, you and I grab some provisions... *'Miguel': Mm-hm. *'Tulio': ...hijack one of those longboats, and then we row back to Spain like there's no manana! *'Miguel': Back to Spain, yeah? *'Tulio': Yeah. *'Miguel': In a rowboat. *'Tulio': You got it! *'Miguel': Great. Sensational. And that-that's your plan, is it? *'Tulio': That's pretty much it. *'Miguel': Well, I like it. So, how de we get on deck? *'Tulio': Umm. In the dead of night, you and I grab some provisions, hijack one of those longboats... *'Miguel': Uh, great. *'Tulio': Well, okay, what's your idea, smart guy? *'Miguel': Wh-Wh-What do you mean? Don't ask me that! You're the one with the plans. Wait, I... I have an idea. Uh, come on. Give me... Give me a boost. Hey, Altivo. *''toss the apple back and forth *'Miguel': Altivo. *''tries to get the apple *'Miguel': You want a nice apple? Come and get it. You have to do a trick for me first. *''walks backward *'Miguel': All you have to do is find a pry bar. A long piece of iron with a hooky thing at the end. Yeah? *'Tulio': Miguel, you're talking to a horse! *'Miguel': That's it, Altivo, find the pry bar. *'Tulio': Yes, find the pry bar. He can't understand "pry bar." He's a dumb horse. There's no way... *''keys drop in the brig *'Tulio': Well, it's not a pry bar. *''at night, with Miguel closing at the top, then Tulio puts everything on the boat, then Altivo hits Miguel *'Miguel': Oh, Altivo. Oh, thank you, old boy. Listen, if we can ever return the favor... *'Tulio': For Pete's sake, Miguel, he's a ruthless warhorse, not a poodle. Come on, before he licks you to death. *'Miguel': Altivo Adios. on the boat Shh, shh. Shh. Quiet, please. *'Tulio': What's the matter with him? *'Miguel': Oh, he wants his apple. Well, give ot to him before he wakes the whole ship! *'Tulio': Fetch! the apple up, then bouncing on the sail, the wood, and the telescope, then splashing in the water, then Altivo dives in the water *'Miguel': Altivo! *'Tulio': Huh? Miguel! *''dives in the water, then the boat lands on the water, yelling *'Miguel': Altivo, I'm coming! *'Tulio': Miguel! *'Miguel': Just hang on! I'm right here, old boy! *'Tulio': Have you lost your mind? *'Miguel': Help is coming! *'Tulio': at the big ship Ho-o-ly ship! *''fall in the water, then the poke out of the water, then the crate breaks *'Tulio': Loop the rope under the horse! *'Miguel': Yes! a deep breath, then swimming around, then grabbing Tulio On the count of three, pull back on the rope. *'Tulio': What? gasping *'Miguel': Three! *'Tulio': Pull! *''both fall in the water, then grabbing the crate *'Miguel': Tulio! Hey, it worked! *''Miguel and Altivi have finally, after much effort, all gotten into the rowboat and avoided getting run over by any of the ships *'Tulio': Did any of the supplies make it? *'Miguel': Well, uh, yes and no. *''looks; Altivo is eating the few supplies that did make it *'Tulio': Ohhh, great! *'Miguel': Tulio. Look on the positive side. At least things can't get... *''hear a thunder clap, then it starts pouring rain *'Tulio': Excuse me. We're you going to say "worse"? *'Miguel': No. No. *'Tulio': No. You're sure? *'Miguel': Absolutely not. I've revised the whole thing. Okay, because... *'Tulio': Yeah, we're at least in a rowboat. *'Miguel': We're in a rowboat exactly. You miss nothing. *''boat drifts away to reveal the sharks following it, then they continue rowing, then they hear thunder by the wave, then they all yell, then they look at a seagull, landing on the paddle, coughing, then laying down, then they smack their lips, then they reach, then the shark eats the seagull on a paddle, with feathers falling down, then they all sob, then cut at evening, then they continue rowing *'Miguel': Tulio, did you ever imagine it would end like this? *'Tulio': The horse is a surprise. *'Miguel': Any regrets? *'Tulio': Besides dying? Yeah? I never had enough gold. *'Miguel': My regret, besides dying, is our greatest adventure is over before it began, and no one will even remember us. *'Tulio': Well, if it's any consolation, Miguel, you made my life an adventure. *'Miguel': And if it's any consolation, Tulio, you madey life rich. *''scoffs and sputters, then they both sob, then they land on the sand, then they take the sand, then Tulio shakes the sand *'Miguel': Is it? *'Tulio': It is! It's... It's... It's... It's... It's... *'Both': It's land! *''lick the sand, then kissing, then looking at the skull with a sword on it, then they both scream, after seeing a skeleton on the beach *'Tulio': All in favor of getting back in the boat, say "aye." *'Miguel': Aye! *'Tulio': Aye! Go! *''walks away, then taking the map out, looking at the map, at the bird rock *'Tulio': Hey, Miguel! I could use a little help! Miguel! Hello! *'Miguel': Tulio! We've done it! *'Tulio': What's that? The map? *'Miguel': It's all right here! *'Tulio': You still have the map? *'Miguel': The whistling rock! The stream! *'Tulio': You kept the map, but you couldn't grab a little more food? *'Miguel': Even those mountains. You said so yourself. It could be possible. And it is! It really is the map to El Dorado! *''pause *'Tulio': You drank seawater, didn't you? *'Miguel': Oh, come on! *'Tulio': I'm not coming on! I wouldn't set foot in that jungle for a million pesetas! *'Miguel': How about a hundred million? *'Tulio': What? *'Miguel': the map back in I just thought that, after all, since El Dorado is the city of gold... *'Tulio': What's your point? *'Miguel': You know, dust, nuggets, bricks, a temple of gold where you can pluck gold from the very walls. But you don't want to go, so let's get back into the boat and row back to Spain. After all, it worked so well last time. *'Tulio': gibberish Wait! Mmm. Wait a minute. New plan. We find the city of gold. We take the gold, and then we go back to Spain. *'Miguel': And buy Spain! Yeah! *'Tulio': That's the spirit! *'Miguel': the sword out Come on, Tulio. We'll follow that trail! *'Tulio': What trail? *'Miguel': at wines with sword That trail we we blaze! *''vines fall down revealing a solid wall of rock; long pause *'Miguel': pointing That trail that we blaze! *''mutters, then whinnies, then the music begins "The Trail That We Blaze" by Elton John playing *'Tulio': Altivo Oh, no, you don't. bites Tulio's butt Yeow! Your horse bit me in the butt! *''snake hisses at the armadillo, then chopping the branch, then Tulio puts his shoe back on *'Miguel': Charge! rides by Tulio, then Tulio grabs the map, then runnimg away *'Tulio': What are you looking at? *''horse grabs Tulio, then riding along, then looking at the map, with an eagle form, then Tulio walks away, then Miguel waves the sword, then Tulio jumps in the water, long pause, then taking the worm off of the back of Tulio, then they walk, then the fish bites Tulio's butt, then running away, then Miguel brings the fish to Tulio *'Miguel': Dinner is served. *'Tulio': Hello. *''walk to the hot water, then they jump in, then the monkey walks on the branch, then the monkeys wear clothes, then the monkey puts his pants on, then running away by Tulio and Miguel, trying to get the clothes, then the monkeys wave, after Tulio and Miguel put clothes back on, then they all look, then they walk on the log, then raining under Tulio and Miguel, then running away, then Miguel looks at the map, then Tulio grabs a map, then walking, then the butterflies fly out of the mouth, with Tulio and Miguel are walking, then walking up by holding the tail of Altivo, then the branch breaks, then they all fall down, with the map falling down, and the armadillo falling, then rolling to the stone, with the armadillo rolling away, then looking at the map landing on Tulio, and the stone, then looking around, then scratching the stone *'Tulio': fingers Miguel. Miguel, wake up. *''gets up *'Tulio': We're there. Oh, yeah. We found it. We found it? *'Miguel': Oh! Fantastic! Where is it? How far? *'Tulio': Right here! *'Miguel': Where? *'Tulio': Here. *'Miguel': Behind the rock? *'Tulio': No, no. This is it. *'Miguel': Give me that! This ca... What? *'Tulio': Apprently, "El Dorado" is native for "great, big rock"! "rock" three times Hey, but I tell you what, I'm feeling generous, so you can have my share! *'Miguel': You don't think Cortes could've gotten here before us and... *'Tulio': And what? Taken all the really big rocks? The scoundrel! *'Miguel': Tulio, you... We have to think about this. We've come all this way, and we-we-we should really, you know... *'Tulio': Miguel Get on the horse! *''sighs *'Tulio': No, no, no, not with the face. Miguel Stop. throat Looks like there's a pass right over there. *''runs by Tulio and Miguel, then hitting Altivo, then Altivo walks back, then the men appear by Acolyte *'Both': Hyah! *''men stop, then the horse continues whinnying, then throwing a rock to Tulio, then throwing a rock to Chel, then throwing the rock back and forth, then chuckling, then the rock hits his head *'Tulio': I've... Uh, hello. Is this your rock? Sorry. We were just looking. We're, uh... We're tourists! Tourist. throat We-We lost our group. May we go now? *''sword appears at Tulio, then Miguel gasps *'Tulio': chuckling Spears. *''grunts, then the sword puts down, then following all the men by Tulio and Miguel, then running away, then the men try to grab a rock *'Chel': Hey! Hey! *''armadillo looks at the men, then Tulio looks at the man, then looking at Acolyte, then walking in the waterfall, then they continue walking by Acolyte, then they get off of Altivo, then they get on the boat, then Chel sits on the boat, then Miguel starts whistling, then the man rows a boat, then they both look around, then rowing in the cave, then closing the bag, then looking at the vines, gasping *'Miguel': Oh, my... It's... It's... *'Both': whispering El Dorado. *''all look at El Dorado by rowing a boat, with the butterflies flying, then looking at the fish, then the tail gets back on the boat, the walking with the kids, then dropping a pot, breaking it, then looking at the men, then the armadillo swims up, then Acolyte gets off of the boat, then the man runs away by going inside by Chief and the children, then whispering at Chief, then Acolyte walks inside, with Tzekel-Kan chanting at the stone, then whispering at Tzekel-Kan, then pushing Acolyte, then looking at the stone, followed by Tulio and Miguel on Altivo, then walk up the stairs by Chel *'Tulio': sighing Well, it was nice working with you, partner. *'Miguel': Tulio, I just want you to know, I'm sorry about that girl in Barcelona. *'Tulio': So... You... You, f... *'Tzekel-Kan': Behold! As the prophesies foretold, the time of judgement is now! *''both gasp, then Chief appears *'Tzekel-Kan': Citisens, did I not predict that the gods would come to us? *''both look around *'Tzekel-Kan': chuckling My lords, I am Tzekel-Kan, your devoted high priest and speaker for the gods. *'Tulio': Hey. *'Chief': I am Chief Tannabok. What names may we call you? *'Miguel': Huh? I am Miguel. *'Tulio': And I am Tulio. *''dismount, then Miguel's foot gets tangled in the reins *'Miguel': And they call us Miguel and Tulio! *'Tzekel-Kan': Your arrival has been greatly anticipated. *'Chief': My lords, how long will you be staying in El Dorado? *'Tzekel-Kan': Aha! I see you've captured this temple-robbing thief. How would you have us punish her? *'Chel': Oh, no, no, no, no, no! My lord, I am not a thief. See, the gods sent me a vision to bring them tribute from the temple to guide them here. My only wish is to serve the gods. *'Tulio': Release her, don't ya think? *'Tzekel-Kan': Chel Then you will begin by returning this to its rightful place. *''armadillo gets out of the water, with the butterfly flying *'Chief': My lords, why now do you choose to visit us? *'Tzekel-Kan': Enough! You do not question, the gods! *'Miguel': That's right! Do not question us, or we shall have to unleash out awesome and terrible power! And you don't want that! *'Tzekel-Kan': Well, yes! We do! *'Miguel': You do? *'Tzekel-Kan': Of course we do! Visit your wrath upon this nonbeliever! Show us the truth of your divinity! *'Tulio': Divinity! One moment. *''all walk down *'Tulio': Miguel, you know that little voice people have that tells them to quit when they're ahead? You don't have one! *'Miguel': Well, I'm sorry. I just got carried away! *'Tulio': Way away! *'Miguel': Maybe we should tell the truth and then beg for mercy. *'Tulio': Are you nuts? We'd be butchered alive! *'Miguel': Yes, but they're getting suspicious. And if we don't come up with some sort of mega-cosmic event... *''volcano starts rumbling, erupting *'Tulio': I'm trying! I'm trying! I can't think with all these distractions! *'Miguel': You... Horse... Think horse. Think, think, think. *'Tulio': I'm on the verge of... Stop! echoing *''volcano goes back in, then coughing, then they gasp, then they hear crickets, then the light appears at Tulio and Miguel, putting hands out, then they all chant *'Miguel': Don't make me start it up again, 'cause I will. *''men continue chanting, then Tzekel-Kan bows down *'Tzekel-Kan': O mighty lords! Come. Let me show you to your temple. *'Miguel': All right! Temple. *'Tzekel-Kan': Step aside. up the stairs by Tulio and Miguel, then Chief walks up the stairs, then they climb up, with Tzekel-Kan and Chief walking in, then they look at Tulio and Miguel, then Altivo climbs up, then they open the curtain, then bowing down, then they go inside To commemorate your arrival, I propose a reverent ceremony at dawn. *'Chief': Ah, then perhaps I could prepare a glorious feast for you tonight. *'Tzekel-Kan': Which would you prefer? *'Tulio': Both. *'Miguel': Both. *'Both': Both. *'Miguel': Both is good. *'Chief': My lords. *'Tzekel-Kan': My lords. *''both close the curtain, then Chief walks to Tzekel-Kan *'Tzekel-Kan': And so dawns the Age of the Jaguar. Happy new year. walking down the stairs, then cut back to Tulio and Miguel *'Miguel': Hey! *'Tulio': Hey. Hey. *''both laugh, then Altivo runs on the water *'Miguel': Tulio. Tulio. They actually think we're gods. *'Tulio': It's an entire city of suckers. *''laughs *'Tulio': We just have to keep this up long enough, to load up on the gold and the get the hell out of here! *'Miguel': Tulio, we'll be living like kings! *'Tulio': Miguel and Tulio! *'Miguel': Tulio and Miguel! *'Both': Mighty powerful gods. *'Chel': Hello. *''both gasp and whimper *''starts laughing'' *'Tulio': Depart, mortal, before we strike you with a lightning bolt. *'Miguel': Mmm. Mmm! *''continues humming *'Miguel': Beware the wrath of the gods! Begone! sound *'Chel': Save it for the high priest, honey. You're gonna need it. *''hears a clicking sound *'Tulio': Miguel, it's not working. *''continues clicking *'Tulio': Miguel! We've been caught. *'Chel': Oh, no. Don't worry about me, boys. "My only wish is to serve the gods." Remember? *'Tulio': How? *'Chel': Well, if you guys want the gold, then you don't want to get caught, right? You're going to need my help? *'Miguel': scoffs What makes you think we need your help? *'Chel': Miguel "Ck-ck." Are you serious? *''laughs *'Miguel': I... What... We... Okay. So, uh, who are you? *'Tulio': Yeah, uh, what's your angle? *'Chel': laughing No angle. I want in. *'Tulio': In? *'Chel': On the scam. *'Tulio': chuckling There's no scam! Why would you think there's a... Why? *'Chel': So I can get out. *'Miguel': I thought she just said she wanted in? *'Tulio': She wants in so she can get out. *'Miguel': Aha! Got it. chuckling W-Why? *'Chel': Think you're the only ones who dream of better things? Of adventure? You've got your reasons, and I've got mine. Let's not make it personal, okay? It's just business. *'Both': Oh. *'Chel': So when you guys are ready to go back to wherever you came from, I'm going with you. *'Tulio': No! Don't think so. *''coughs, then Tulio starts whistling *'Chel': All right. Fine. After all, I'm sure you know the proper rituals for blessing a tribute, the holiest days on the calendar... Oh, and of corse you know all about Xibalba. chuckling Okay? Good luck. away See you at the execution. *'Tulio': gibberish Wait! Ho... Would you... Hold it. *'Chel': chuckling Deal? *'Miguel': Deal. *'Tulio': Not yet. Let's just see how this works out. *'Chel': Uh-huh. Well, then I suppose that means you'll want these back? *'Tulio': the dice How'd you get those? *'Miguel': Where was she keeping them? *'Chel': Call me, Chel, your new partner. *'Tulio': Uh, that's partner-in-training. *''throw blankets at Tulio and Miguel *'Chel': Now, put these on. Your public's waiting. humming *''take their clothes off, then Miguel takes the shirt off *'Tulio': Do you mind? *'Chel': No. Oh! Oh! Oh! giggling Right. Excuse me. *''tries to put the shoe on, then falling to the ground *'Chel': the curtain Bye. *'Miguel': Mm-mm-mmm! Maybe they should call this place "Chel Dorado." *'Tulio': chuckling She's whoo... Whoa, she's in trouble! Wait a minute! *'Miguel': What? *'Tulio': The little voice... Remember the little voice? Ju-Ju-Just for a second imagine that you have one. What would it be saying about Chel? *''purrs *'Tulio': Miguel No. No. Listen. We are partners. *'Miguel': We are partners. *'Tulio': We have a plan, remember? *'Miguel': Get the gold. Go back to Spain. *'Tulio': Yes! And we are pretending to be gods. Now, put Chel in the mix. What is the voice saying? Listen carefully. *'Miguel': gasping Chel is off-limits, hmm? *'Tulio': Bravo! Chel is off-limits! Shake on it. *''clap their hands *'Miguel': Off-limits. Mm. Mm. *'Both': Mmmm. *''takes the short off *'Miguel': Besides, we're supposed to be gods. We must avoid giving in to temptation. *'Tulio': Gods. Oh. This is gonna be tougher than I thought. *'Miguel': Tulio, relax! All you have to do is smile, act godly and follow my lead. *''gasps, then looking at Chief *'Chief': gasping Big smile. Like you mean it. A-one, two, three. *''music begins "It's Tough to Be a God" *'Tulio': singing I hardly think I'm qualified, to come across all sanctified. I just don't cut it with the cherubim. baby bites Tulio's finger *'Miguel': Tulio, what are you talking about? singing There again, they're on their knees. Being worshipped is a breeze. Which rather suits us in. The interim. *'Tulio': singing Interim, interim, it's me and him. *''water out *'Tulio': Oh, my God! *'Chorus': singing It's tough to be a god. *'Miguel': singing Tread where mortals have not rod. *'Tulio': singing Be deified when really you're a sham. Be an object of devotion, be the subject of psalms. It's a rather touching notion. All those players and those salaams, and who am I to bridle, if I'm forced to be an idol. If they say that I'm a god. That's what I am. What's more if we don't comply. With the locals' wishes. I can see us being sacrificed or stuffed. *'Miguel': You have a point there. Very good thinking. singing So let's be gods the perks are great! *'Tulio': Yeah! *'Miguel': singing El Dorado on our plates. *'Tulio': Thank you. *'Miguel': singing Local feelings should not be rebuffed. *'Tulio': singing Never rebuffed. *'Miguel': singing I never rebuff a local feeling. No, my friend. *'All': singing It's tough to be a god! But if you get the people's nod! Coujt your blessings! Yeah, keep 'em sweet! That's our advice! *'Miguel': It's great advice! *'All': Be a symbol of perfection! Be a legend, be a cult! Take their prase, take a collection! As the multitudes exalt! Don a supernatural habit! We'd be crazy not to grab it! *'Tulio': You got it! *'All': singing So sign on two new gods for paradise! Par-a-dise! *''men dance, then Altivo dances around, then falling to the ground, then fade to black, then cut to Tulio and Miguel, sleeping, then Tzekel-Kan appears, then they both gasp *'Tzekel-Kan': Good morning, my lords! *'Miguel': He's back! *'Tulio': Oh, no. *'Tzekel-Kan': And now it's my turn! The gods have awakened! *''crowd cheer, then Tulio falls to the ground *'Tulio': Mm-hmm. *''puts flower petals to the ground *'Tulio': Hey, Chel, what's going on? *'Chel': It's not gonna be good. *'Tulio': Thank you. *'Tzekel-Kan': This city had been granted a great blessing. And what have we done to show our gratitude? A meager celebration. The god's deserve a proper tribute! *''natives bring a bag *'Tzekel-Kan': The beginning of a new era, the dawning of a new age, demands sacrifice! *''man appears, then they all gasp, then Chief gasps *'Tulio': I don't like this. *'Miguel': Tulio, we've got to do something. *''pushes the man to a cliff to a whirlpool, then raising his ax *'Tulio': Stop! *''walk to Tzekel-Kan *'Tulio': This is not a proper tribute! *'Tzekel-Kan': You do not want the tribute? *'Miguel': No. No, no. W-We want tribute. Uh, it's just that, uh, Tulio, tell him. *'Tulio': The stars are not in position for this tribute! *'Miguel': Like he says, the stars... Can't do it. Not today. *'Tzekel-Kan': Ah. Perhaps it is possible I misread, the heavens. *'Miguel': Don't worry about it. To err is human, to forgive... *'Chief': My lords, may the people of El Dorado offer you our tribute. *''natives bring gold to a whirlpool, the gasping, then they show the natives holding gold *'Chief': My lords, does this please you? *''sighs *'Miguel': Yes, very nice. Certainly acceptable. *'Tulio': Yes, lovely. It'll do. *'Chief': The gods have chosen! To Xibalba? *'Chel': No. No. *'Both': To Xibalba! *'Chel': Oh, great. *''native are throwing the gold over the cliff and into the whirlpool, then they both look at the good in the whirlpool *'Miguel': Hey, Chel, um, what are they doing? *'Chel': exaspererated They're sending it to Xibalba, the spirit world. *''gold continue falling in the whirlpool *'Tulio': The spirit world. *'Chel': I'll take care of it. up to the Chief Um, excuse me, Chief. The gods have their minds about Xibalba. They wish to bask in the reverence that has been shown them. *'Chief': Stop! *''natives stop throwing the gold in the whirlpool; then a golden plate rolls toward a cliff and Tulio stops it with his foot *'Chief': They wish to bask! Take the tribute to the gods' temple! *''natives walk away, then Chel walks to Tulio and Miguel *'Tulio': Nice going. *''all walk back by Tzekel-Kan, then Chief chuckles *'Tzekel-Kan': Smile while you can. *''to Cortes and the crew, breaking a skull *'Cortes': Well, well, well, what have we here? chuckle *''back to El Dorado *'Tulio': Ai-ai-ai. *'Miguel': singing Tons of gold for you, hah! *'Tulio': singing And tons of gold for me, hoo! *'Both': singing Tons of gold for we, ah! *'Tulio': Not bad for a day's work, eh? *'Miguel': Not bad at all. *'Tulio': We just became richer than the king of Spain. laughing *'Miguel': You know, speaking of kings, the chief and high priest seem a bit, uh, tense. *'Tulio': Buenos Dias! Listen, all we have to do, is keep playing the one against the other. You knos, do a little god dance, chant some mystic mumbo jumbo, dazzle 'em woth some smoke and mirrors and then get the hell back to Spain. *'Miguel': Um, Tulio, how are we gonna get all this back to Spain? *'Tulio': Ummm... *'Chief': A boat? *'Tulio': Yeah. *'Miguel': Um, we really hate to be ascending so soon, but, uh, some urgent business has come up, you know, family matters, you know, and it's just a bit... *'Tulio': Yeah, family. *'Miguel': Badda-bing, budda-boom, you know what I mean. *'Chief': Oh, we expected you to be staying with us for the next thousand years. *'Tulio': Well, as we say in the spirit world, there's your plan and then, there's the gods' plan. *'Miguel': Mm-hmm. *'Tulio': And our plan, uh, calls for a boat, 'cause we're gonna ascend kind of in a horizontal pattern at first. And then we're gonna go vertical, uh, as we get further out to sea. *'Chief': Hmm. To build a boat large and glorious enough, would take about a week. *'Tulio': A week? Hmm. *'Miguel': Um... *'Tulio': I wonded how long it would take Tzekel-Kan to do it. *'Chief': But... But for the gods, uh, three days. *'Tulio': Uh... *'Miguel': Well, if that's the best you can do. *'Chief': Oh, perhaps if you were not burdened with so much tribute, you could leave sooner. *'Miguel': Hmm? *'Tulio': Hmm? I like it here. Miguel? *'Miguel': Yep, yep. Three days is just fine. *'Tulio': No, three days is not fine. *''hums *'Tulio': This is a real... *'Chel': Mmm. *'Tulio': ...these, these are the ones, problem. *'Chel': Oh. Thank you. *'Tulio': Miguel, how are we gonna keep this up for three days? *'Miguel': up You worry too much. *'Tulio': No, I worry exactly the right amount. You can never worry too much. We just have to lie low. *'Miguel': But, Tulio, this place is amazing! I mean, I wonder what's... *''music stops *'Tulio': No! Don't even move! *'Miguel': Tulio... *'Tulio': You're moving! *'Miguel': A little, but... *'Tulio': Hey! Hey! Hey! *'Miguel': Come on. *'Tulio': stammering Stay! *'Miguel': I gotta... I... I just... *'Tulio': groans Just stand there! *'Miguel': For three days? to the ground *'Tulio': Yes! Exactly. For three days. Don't even breathe. All right? *'Miguel': up All right. We lie low. *'Tulio': No, ah, ah, ah, ah. Promise? *'Miguel': Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, all right. *'Tulio': Great! Good. Okay. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to gloat over my gold. *''giggles, then Tulio kisses the gold *'Tulio': Oh, yum, yum, yum. *'Chel': to Miguel It's beautiful, isn't it? *'Miguel': Yeah! *'Chel': You know, you really shouldn't miss it. *'Miguel': I know. But I-I couldn't. *'Chel': Go ahead. I'll cover for you. *'Miguel': Oh, good. Thanks. hears Tulio singing with the indistinct So, what happened to Altivo? *'Chel': I don't know. *''walks away *'Tulio': singing Tulio goes for paradise! Hey, what happened to Miguel? *'Chel': I don't know. *'Tulio': the gold Oh, my God! He's gone! Miguel's gone! He's loose! What am I gonna do? Oh, no, no! sobbing *'Chel': Oh, Miguel is right. You worry too much. *'Tulio': groans Oh, yeah. Oh, oh, down, down, down, down. No! No! Big trouble. chuckling Whoa! Look, sweetheart, we're on the middle of a con here, walking the razor's edge. On the one hand, gold! On the other hand, painful, agonizing failure! throat I can't afford any tempta, uh, distractions. So, I'm sorry. So sorry. a sharp inhale But perhaps another time? Another place, hmm? *'Chel': chuckling Too bad. I'm free now. *'Tulio': I'm not really sure I trust you. *'Chel': Mmm, I'm not really asking you to trust me. Am I? *'Tulio': Whoo. 'Kay. Chel Ooh, yeah. *''to Miguel, walking, looking at the birds, then looking at the men, then walking to Acolyte *'Miguel': Excuse me. Excuse me? Hey, where is everybody? *'Acolyte': They've been cleared from the streets, my lord, so the city can be cleansed, as you ordered. *'Miguel': Cleansed? *'Acolyte': Yes. So the Age of the Jaguar can begin, as you ordered, my lord. *'Man': Get back in! Where are you going? *'Miguel': Hey! Hey, stop that! *'Guard': Move! *'Miguel': Hey, stop that! What are you doing? Stop that! *'Acolyte': But, my lord, anyone who disobeys your orders must be punished, as you ordered. *'Miguel': It seems I've been giving a lot of orders, haven't I? *'Acolyte': Tzekel-Kan has made your commands clear, my lord. *'Miguel': Really? Here's an order: Take the day off. Are you all right? *''pants *'Miguel': Here. *''man shows the gold *'Miguel': Oh, no! It's all right. Please. *''man runs away, then tripping down, then playing a guitar *'Miguel': Hey, Altivo. There you are. playing a guitar, then they both chuckle, then the people join in, then music begins "Without Question" by Elton John playing, wth the kids dancing, then taking a guitar, then walking away, looking at the fish Category:Transcripts